Suckiness... suckiness...

I'm getting more and more exausted every day. I stopped taking my antidepressants because they make me tired, and I wanted to be able to sleep less so I could spend more time with Pete. It's not working out that way. I got into work today and sat at my desk and cried. I'm so tired... so worn down... So obsessively worried about not being good enough... I was probably better off being alone.

My dad is doing something... I don't know what yet. But I got a disturbing email from my mom this morning and I can tell something is wrong. yeah.. this is just what I need now that I'm run down and not taking anything for my crippling fucking depression...

I just want to curl up in bed... and stay there for a few days...

Friday night... The kids went to see a movie with Ed, and Pete came over. I made him dinner and he brought me roses :)

Saturday... Went to the gayass colorado after work... then Pete and I went home... and stuff ;)

Sunday... Felt like shit... Went to work. After work, Pete and I went to see Team America, which was fucking hilarious and I almost pissed myself watching that frikken movie.




holy drama batman...

"I never wear shoes in the house. They make me fall down."

Hank Azaria is the shiznit...

Tonight Ed is taking the kids to see Shark Tales and Pete and I are going to see Shaun of the Dead... uh... okay. I really wanna see Team America, but I guess I'll wait on that til Sunday if I can get out of work early enough.

I'm completely falling for that man.

It's insane.

But a different variety of insanity than my usual brand. interesting...

Ew. My office manager got this new coffee... Supposedly the best coffee in the world - they don't sell it anywhere and she had to beg the company to sell her this bag.

It tastes like stale cigarettes. Disgusting.

Bleh

Second time this man has made me cry... and in a good way :)

This is how he signed his email to me before he just left for work:

--------------

Missing you always, adoring you more than you know, and leaving ellipses everywhere for reasons unsaid yet understood... ;) <3

 

Pete

--------------

wow. just... wow.

My boyfriend is so frikken adorable <3



That's a picture from our camping trip on Saturday...

Okay update time :)

Things are great with Pete and I... We're going on a real date tonight! One that starts before 11 p.m. and doesn't involve other people.. lol

The weekend was a lot of fun - we went camping Saturday night. It was gorgeous out... Pete and I cuddled by the fire and talked and once the rest of them went off to smoke a bowl, we snuck off to our tent and had some bangin-ass sex..

Sunday night we worked and then just went home and talked for a while... Then some more insane sex and I passed the hell out.

I miss him so much when we're not together...

Hide those thorns, Michelle, forget they're even there.
I've become what I most fear.
Over and over and over and over...
And everyone has probably always known.


Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself.



dillusions of... oh, forget it.

Text msg from Pete @ 9:30 a.m.:

You can tell me how sweet I am when you get home... ;)



jeebus I bet he cleaned my house for me - it was trashed :) Damn that boy is good to me! :)

Ladies night was awesome :)

We sat around and drank Midori sours and Mind Erasers and played Cranium which is the most hilrarious game ever... We were loud and rowdy and giggling like the frikken girls we are :)

And then Pete and Brian came over :D

Pete and I OWNED at Cranium and then everyone left but Brian, Blair and Pete. Brian and Blair put on The Birdcage and Pete and I went to bed... The three of them are still at my house.. lol

ugh.. meetings all day... bleh.

My buddy ("nice skin tone") just finished reading that Jenna Jameson book.  Seemed like it was ok (he reads a TON)...

 

My profile is getting cheesey with the movie/random pics on the left, I gotta cut some stuff out I think in a minute, over doing it a bit...

 

I like ellipses...

...

--------------------------------

OMFG... ELLIPSES?!? WTF? He uses the word "random" and "ridiculously" as a modifier for everything it doesn't go with... He's fascinated by religions - all of them... He's tall, good looking, gotee, extremely intelligent... He likes fucked up obscure movies... he likes art... he draws... He treats me like a PERSON and not like a body... He looks at me like he SEES me, not like he's trying to figure out how to get in my pants. He's ridiculously (hehe) affectionate in a non-sexual way, but he's also sensual at the same time...

and ELLIPSES!

::faint::

LiveJournal is pissing me off today... It crashes my browser every time I try to update. Annoying.

So the weekend was cool... Saturday morning the kids and I went bowling with Thomas' friend Scotty. Scotty's sister brought a friend, and Dom brought Harsh. Thomas OWNED at bowling, it was hilarious! No camping, obviously, cuz of the rain. So we went to the South Side instead (ugh!) and I got to hang out with RICH (my former muse) and I'm going to email him some song lyrics today :) After that, Pete and I went home and cuddled and fell asleep...

Sunday I worked for MBC a bit at my moms house and hung out with the kids. Went to work about 3:30 and got to work with my man... We are so obnoxiously mushy.. lol

After work we went to Applebees for dinner and then home to watch the Birdcage. Then cuddling and stuff and he went home at about 2.

I've got to get motivated this week... I'm having girls night on Wednesday and I need to get my house cleaned!!!! Arrgghhh!

I've always been a dreamer.

Reality is poison.

And all my dreams are ticking bombs.

I don't know why I feel like this.

:)

Last night... I got to the S.S. late as hell cuz I had Blair drive me and she is always late. So I got there and Pete was already there. Those lonestar employees who weren't aware of our "thing" soon became quite aware :) Most notably, Jenn Leta, who waved her arms around and made the exaggerated "WTF?" face.. lol. She said she loves him to death and she approves :)

I drank too much.. I sang a lot... Pete seemed impressed. We were all cuddly the whole night.... it was so cute :) Then he drove me home and we fooled around a bit before I passed out. I feel bad for keeping him out so late cuz he works two jobs today :(

He sent me an email before with a picture of Irises that had "Michelle - see you soon - Pete" written on it in purple :) AWWWWWWWWWWW :D

Yay tonight is South Side night and I get to see pete :)

<3

Last night Greg came over... i think he's gonna get back with Cathie... AGAIN. I don't necessarily think it's a bad idea. She's a cool girl, but she can make him so damn miserable sometimes. Oh well.. she's his poison.

bla.. back to mail-merge-fucktardishness.

( Awwwwwwwww )

My son informed me last night that he wants to buy a 50 Cent CD cuz he likes track #10, the one with all the "bad words" and that him and is friends are "gangstas".

um....

wtf?

I don't know what else to say about that...

Pete is so friggen sweet, he sends me the most adorable emails :) And he used the word "randomness" which is SOOOOO my word :) And he likes Requiem for a Dream, which hardly anyone has even heard of, and he reads books on religion and wants to learn about Freemasons cuz they're so secretive and and and... okay, I'll stop jumping around being a retard. We have a lot in common... that's all. LOL

OMG, he sent me really cute pictures of Saturday night - I wish I had a hosting site, I'd post them!!!! Soooo adorable :)

God damn am I gay! LOL

OMG :) I'm smiling like the biggest dork every today :)

Soooo....

I went to the South Side Saturday night after work and Pete immediately came over and didn't leave my side the entire evening :) He gave me a back massage and we did some mind erasers and assorted other shots. I said I wasn't gonna drink cuz I had to drive home, and he said he'd drive me home if I needed a ride :) :) So... Greg showed up at 2:30 to pick up Blair, and asked me how I was getting home, and then Pete walked out the door.. lol. Greg rolled his eyes and walked away :)

So Pete came home with me.. We made out and fell asleep, it was adorable. He drove me back to my car in the morning and I spent the day with the kidlettes. Went back to work at 4 and he was just so frikken sweet all night :) We met in cold storage (hahaha!) at 8:30 and got caught kissing by the expo chef! lol

Then after work we went out to Fridays for a beer and some Jack Daniels chicken tenders (mmmm) and we talked and stuff til about 1.

He's gonna come over one night this week to watch a movie, and I'm gonna try to get out Wednesday again so we can hang out at the Trash Side...

Hee hee, I'm so happy today :) I am a DORK! LOL

best weekend EVER :D

update later... after meeting :)

Weekend plans...

Friday: Sleep :)

Saturday: Work, and then go to the South Side for Jamie's birthday party and hang out with Pete and try not to get too attached since he's obviously rebounding.

Sunday: Work, meeting Pete in cold storage at 9:30, as scheduled :) Then maybe Planet Highbridge with Greg for open mic night. Or if things go well Saturday, maybe I'll do something with Pete.. WITHOUT Greg.. lol

Lonestar should be fun this week... Apparently my GM stopped taking his meds and is a raving lunatic this week. Yahoo. It's fun to work for an insane sociopath.. really.